I am not losing weight to snag a man. I mean, I really hope I'm not. I'm a single girl, of course I'd like to have a boyfriend. Even if my friend K. makes fun of me for it because of course I shouldn't need a man to be fulfilled. But life without kissing? That would be so bleak and wrong. I need kisses. And balloons. And my own entourage. And glitter powder that smells like marshmallows. And a pony.

Mr. Ointy