I saw Uranus

I was going to be dignified and not make the obvious joke, but it's almost impossible not to.

It happened on Sunday night. We were taking the trash out, and I looked up for Mars, like I've been doing every night when I'm out after dark, and I was disoriented for a second because while Mars was in basically the same place it had been the last time I'd looked, the moon wasn't there. I started to say something to Bob, then before I could sound too stupid, I realized that . . . well, something. That the moon is closer, and its path is shorter, and so it appears to move more. Or something. Astronomy isn't my strong suit.

Bob went in and got the binoculars, because we hadn't tried that yet, and he looked, and focused them, and then handed them to me. I couldn't really get a clear focus, and it didn't look all that different, just bigger, still kind of blurry, and I felt like I wasn't really getting the right picture. It was like I was seeing a double image.

I handed them back to Bob, and he fiddled with the focus (I apologized, saying I'd probably messed it up), and he said no, he just kept seeing a double image, and then he said, "Hey, I think I'm really seeing two things," and he said he thought maybe there was another planet close right now. I started to say Uranus, because I'd gotten some kind of astrology email, or read an astrology column or something, that said something about Uranus, but I really didn't recall it clearly, and I didn't want to sound stupid, so I kept my mouth shut while he went in to get the almanac.

He came back out and said that it was Uranus, that there was some kind of confluence with Mars this month. I didn't say anything, of course, because I'd missed my chance to sound intelligent. If you say, "Oh, I was going to say that," later, it doesn't really have the same effect.

I don't know what it is, exactly. I know I'm not stupid. I'm pretty smart, really, and I know that. But I tend to sit back and not say anything most of the time, and I'm not totally sure why. I think I had a few times of speaking up and having people give me that look that says they aren't really interested in what you're saying, and besides, it was dumb, and after that I just shut up.

I also learned at some point that you don't always have to have the last word, that a lot of time it doesn't really matter if anyone else hears what you have to say, or knows that you know the answer. It just isn't always important. But sometimes it is.

I've noticed that I've been speaking up more in meetings at work, and I know that's because I'm comfortable with the guys I work with, I know they respect my opinion, and they listen to me. But every time I do, I still have twinges of that, "oh, why did I have to open my mouth, that probably sounded dumb," etc. Just one of those things that are sometimes hard to move beyond.