Fast and messy

It's hard to be brave, when you're only a very small animal.
~ A. A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh" (Piglet)

I should have mentioned the rest of my birthday, the good parts, because there were some.

After my appointment with the doctor, Bob took me to lunch at Joe's Crab Shack, the same place we went after I got the good news the last time I had a medical emergency. It's a fun place--it reminds us of Florida--and Bob said that the news I got yesterday was good news, it was good news because it wasn't cancer, and because it's something that can be handled. It's hard for me to look at it that way, but I know he's right.

He also bought me a t-shirt there (a Christmas one that says 'Tis the Season to be Crabby), and a matching pair of pajama pants, and a key ring ("Peace, Love and Crabs"). It was a fun meal--I ate a few chips with some shrimp dip, and had stuffed shrimp (Bob told me I had a free pass to eat anything I wanted, although I didn't overdo it).

• Last weekend my mother took me shopping and bought me some new clothes that actually fit!
• Barb sent me flowers at work (Dave was disappointed, he had hoped for cookies)
• Cello sang "Happy Birthday" to me in Portuguese yesterday, accompanied by John on a birthday horn that came with the flowers, Dave clapped, and Simon barked accompaniment
• My niece sent me a birthday card with a five dollar bill in it, because I always remember her birthday (this made me cry)
• Bob gave me a gorgeous triangle-shaped (I don't know the real name of the cut) rainbow, or "mystic," topaz on a silver chain that I've been wearing since Sunday as a good luck charm
• Barb sent me a silver heart-shaped candle holder engraved with my name and birthday
• My in-laws gave me cash (always the right color, and always fits)
• David sent me an Amazon gift certificate, and I ordered some knitting books I'd been wanting
• Terri sent me "The Pocket Muse" from my wishlist, a lovely book with writing ideas and prompts which I desperately needed
• I ordered some Noro Kureyon for myself, a wonderful Japanese yarn, to knit a totebag from--this is destined to be my Florida knitting project
• Bob also got me the extended DVD version of "The Two Towers," which we watched Monday afternoon after we got back from lunch
• I got lots of birthday wishes, several birthday cards, and some e-cards that made me laugh
• My brother called Monday morning to tell me Happy Birthday, and my sister called last night
• Joanna sent me Kindergarten Cop from my wishlist, one of my favorite Arnold movies.

I also bought myself a beautiful new journal last weekend. The intention was that it would be the journal for my 50th year--I didn't realize that it was going to be a journal of another type of journey. With the inspiration of several online writers who are doing The Artist's Way "Morning Pages," I've started writing in a paper journal again, and I've been enjoying it.

I've been doing morning pages, although lately they've been more "afternoon pages," which really isn't the same thing, but I've decided not to worry about it. For my purposes, it's just being sure I have a notebook with a pen that allows me to write freely and quickly, and just fill up the page with what I'm worried about, afraid of, angry about. They're not meant to be re-read, but just as an outlet for emotion.

The "real" journal, the new one I bought, is meant to be more reflective, more thoughtful. It's not fast and messy, it's deliberate. I think both methods have validity, so hopefully I'll keep doing both of them for awhile. And then maybe someday I'll start doing some "real" writing, too.

We had Thanksgiving dinner with Bob's family at a hotel Sunday night. The family has gotten so large that it's difficult to have it at my in-laws' house, so they decided to have it catered this year, and it was really nice, and nice not to have to clean up!

I took a few pictures, but most of them didn't turn out too well. I'm not much of a photographer, and the ceilings were high, and the lights were bright, and I was trying to take them either too close, or too far away . . . But there were a few that I kept.

Bob and me:

Bob and his dad:

And a happy accident--Tabatha, our niece, in a happy pose surrounded by family:

I have a lot to be thankful for, I need to remember that.