Grateful

I go back to work tomorrow, back to the real world. Two weeks is kind of a strange period of time. I don't think I've ever been off two whole weeks in a row before, at least not that I can remember. Of course, it wasn't like taking a two week vacation, especially the first week, but this week has been mostly resting.

I've done a lot of reading, quite a bit of knitting, took a lot of naps, and that's about it. I've walked down to the mailbox at the end of the block each day. By Friday I was thinking that I should probably get out and do something, anything, just to get back into a little activity, so I took some books back to the library and took myself to lunch at Panera Bread, and that was about enough activity for one day. I came home and took a nap.

Yesterday I stayed in bed until nearly noon--I'd taken a book up with me when I went to bed the night before, and when I woke up, I just propped myself up and continued reading where I left off. A little later, I came downstairs, had a little breakfast, sat down in my chair to start reading again, and eventually nodded off with Pyewacket in my lap. A very luxurious feeling to be able to sleep whenever the need arises.

Bob is gone this weekend--he went down to Phil's lake condo to do some fishing and celebrate Phil's birthday. He had originally just made tentative plans, but I was sure by now I'd be feeling fine and he could go without worrying about me. He's calling several times a day, of course, to check on me, and my mother has called every day since I got out of the hospital.

Bob was just so great to me. Not that I didn't expect that he would be, but I'm just so grateful that he was here to take care of me. He cooked me breakfast every morning the first week--waffles, scrambled eggs, an omelette one day--then after the first couple of days when he was sticking close all day, he would go out to work for a few hours, then come home and make me lunch.

When new books come out that I want to read, I've gotten in the habit of requesting them through the library's website, and they email me when they come in. Through an accident of fate, I guess, about half a dozen of them came in at the same time, right after I got home from the hospital. So Bob went to pick them up for me. He took my mail to the post office, made a bank deposit, picked up prescriptions, and went to the store to get anything that I wanted. And he stayed near me, and rubbed my back, and talked about everything with me, and called his doctor friends when we had questions.

I'm very grateful for him. Sometimes it's hard for me to relinquish control over things. I'm very much used to doing everything for myself, and it's hard to let someone else do things. I've gotten better at it lately, though, and I think I'm finally beginning to realize that there's nothing wrong with not doing everything myself. Sometimes it's kind of nice to sit back and be taken care of, and I got a good taste of that over the past two weeks.

Stuff I took to the hospital that I actually used:

• Lip balm. Bob was so funny--as soon as I was awake, he was there, armed with lip balm, asking me if I needed it. And I did, and was so glad that I'd brought it.
• Toothpaste and toothbrush. Not until I was unhooked from everything and up, obviously, but it was wonderful to be able to brush my teeth. Made me feel human again.
• Hairbrush. Same thing. Just nice to be able to brush my hair, although it wasn't too bad, really. It had been in one of those plastic showercap things during surgery, of course.
• Notepad and pen. I kept it on the table beside my bed, and was able to write down things that I wanted to remember to ask the doctor, or to tell Bob.
• A book and my knitting. It would have been fine without them, since I was only there one night, but it was nice to have them to pass the time during the couple of hours we were waiting for me to be discharged.
• Handcream. I didn't actually need this as much as I had thought I would, since the IV kept me so hydrated that my skin was actually moister than it usually is, despite the dry hospital air. But I used it anyway, once the IV was out.
• Reading glasses. For obvious reasons. Bob had to be in charge of these until we knew whether I was staying overnight or not. He took a fanny pack and kept them in there. Once he knew I was staying, he got my overnight bag out of the car and stuck them in there, so I had them in the room with me. Not that I needed to see anything until the next day, of course.
• Bathrobe. I was so glad I took it, and glad that I got a long one, and one that zipped up rather than having to fold it over and tie it. I only wore it for a little while on the day that I went home, but it felt good to be able to wrap up in something.

Once I got home, I kept my mobile phone near me at all times, carrying it to the bathroom with me, putting it in my pocket when I walked down to get the mail. I never had to use it to call for help, but I thought it made sense to keep it nearby.

Today I've been doing laundry, knitting, and little else. I painted my toenails for about the first time in a month--I'd taken the polish off, then realized I probably shouldn't have them painted when I was in surgery, so didn't put any back on. I really wanted to, then when I went to my pre-op appointment, they told me it was okay.

But still, well, I thought why risk it? So I didn't, and then, of course, I didn't feel like bending over to do anything, much less anything frivolous like that. But today I thought it was time, and now they're shiny navy blue--specifically, "Bleu Sauvage" ("Wild Blue").

I've also been eating. Cereal for breakfast, a little frozen mini-pizza for lunch, ice cream in the afternoon, and dinner is as yet undecided. It's kind of my last hurrah before getting back on the diet. I stopped worrying about it about a week before surgery, thinking that I probably needed a few carbs for energy anyway. And then, of course, while I've been recuperating I knew that it was more important to eat and heal than to worry about losing weight, so I've just been eating whatever sounded good.

Not that I really need to lose anymore, though. I think I'm about where I need to be, and I've lost a few more pounds since I had the surgery, so 35 altogether. I might try to lose a few more, but I'll probably be fine once I can get back to the gym and firm up a little more. And see whether or not the tummy bulge is going to go away once the swelling goes down completely, which I understand could be several months. What fun!