Whatever happens, happens

The time is getting short. I don't think about it all the time--there are whole minutes when I don't think about it at all! Seriously, it's funny, every once in awhile I'll get totally absorbed in work, and then suddenly remember--I'm going to have surgery on Monday!

We're going over to a friend's house tonight to exchange Christmas gifts, then tomorrow is my last day here at work for awhile. On Saturday I'm getting my hair cut and colored, and Bob's going to the Sport Show with his friends, then Sunday is my day of fasting (clear liquids only). I'll have to go to bed early because we're supposed to be at the hospital at 5:45 a.m., and I'm supposed to take a shower ("with antibacterial soap") that morning; I had been hoping I could just get up, throw on some clothes, and go. I suppose I still could, really--I doubt if it would make a whole lot of difference if I took a bath Sunday night or a shower Monday morning, but I'm going to try really hard to do everything I'm supposed to do, and not screw things up just because it might be more convenient.

I've ended up taking naps two nights this week, I think. I haven't consciously done it, but I think it's actually not a bad idea to get as much rest as possible in the days going up to surgery. I don't know that I've been eating particularly well, but I have been having a few more carbs just on the chance that I need them for energy and healing. Not too many more, but I had a bagel for breakfast on Monday, a mini pizza for dinner one night, some peanut-butter crackers yesterday . . . Huh. I guess I should be concentrating more on having good carbs.

I don't want to end up gaining weight after my surgery, but I do, of course, want to be good to myself and do what I need to do to heal properly and feel well as soon as possible.

I'm envisioning a lot of soup, yogurt, and juice in my future; Bob and I were talking last night about what I would want to eat for the next week or so, and I said one thing that I'd been thinking about was macaroni. Just plain macaroni with a little butter or margarine and some Parmesan cheese. One of my comfort foods. He laughed, and said, well, I wouldn't keep losing weight if I started eating pasta again, but I figure I can have a little bit. Or actually, I guess what he said that about was grilled cheese sandwiches. Oh well. I think I can probably have a few sandwiches and a little pasta while I'm getting better. If I put a couple of pounds back on, I can always take them off again, I've proven that it's not impossible for me, or even particularly difficult, as long as I eat the right things.

I'm trying to figure out if I need to pack anything for the hospital. If they're planning on discharging me the same day (I still haven't had that clarified, not sure if I will or not before I go), then I probably don't need anything at all. Even if I stay overnight, I guess I don't really need anything, but I was thinking it would be nice to have some lip balm and handcream (assuming I'm in any condition to care), and maybe a hair brush. I'll have to have my glasses because I'm sure I'll have to sign stuff, then Bob will take them, I guess.

It's all just so unknown. I've never been in the hospital before. I called my mom and asked her if I needed to take a robe or anything, and she said, well, if you're only going to be in one night, you probably really don't need one, you'll be in bed most of the time and if you get up, it will only be to go to the bathroom. She said I might want to take houseslippers to wear instead of the little sock ones they give you there, but I don't have any good ones, I almost never wear them at home.

The thing that's scaring me most is the possibility that the surgery will turn into abdominal surgery after they start--apparently it's always a possibility, and they can't guarantee that they won't have to do it after they get in there and see what's what. The surgeon said the plan is to do it vaginally, but my regular nurse/midwife said she thought the size of my uterus made it marginal. But anyway -- I'm trying not to worry about it, and assume the best. As Bob said, there's nothing you can do about it at this point, just try not to worry about it and trust the surgeon to know the right thing to do.

One of my friends wrote and said I should take my knitting--not that I'd probably do any, but as an icebreaker and point of interest for the nurses. When she was in the hospital, she found that it gave her more of an "identity," i.e., "the knitter," rather than some faceless patient. Probably a good idea, but I'm positive Bob would laugh at me and roll his eyes. Not that I care, particularly, he certainly does that a lot anyway, but I guess it seems like another thing to worry about getting lost. I guess I'll decide at the last minute.

Speaking of which, I can just see myself scrambling around at 5:00 a.m. Monday morning trying to be sure I have everything, like I do every morning. Man. I'm going to try my best to be cool, calm and collected, not worry about anything, let whatever happens, happen. Yeah, right.

My intention is to post one last time over the weekend, and to point readers to Bob's new blog, which is still in the creation stage. However, just in case I forget: after I go into the hospital, and during my recuperation (and who knows, if he likes doing it, he may continue it), Bob will be posting updates at The Bob Report, which is also linked in the sidebar.