Toss me out

I had been told to expect a call from the hospital a few days before surgery, but I was prepared to not get the call, and have to call them myself (my paperwork said if they don't call by a day or two before, that you would need to call). But they surprised me and called yesterday.

I spent about a half hour answering a variety of questions regarding my medical history and current condition--did I have dentures, hearing aids, or any other prosthetics? Did I need a wheelchair or crutches, could they get blood from either arm? I thought that was an odd one. Was it a thinly veiled way to ask if I had two arms? I said, "Well, as far as I know."

She asked if I had any religious practices that would interfere with my care at the hospital, and I said no, but I thought, if I was going to object to getting a blood transfusion, or getting medication, would I have even scheduled the surgery? I know they have to ask these things, they just do make me wonder. She asked if I wanted a visit from the hospital chaplain, and I said sure, why not? I know I have a lot of people praying for me, but I don't have my own minister, so I figure an official representative couldn't hurt.

Let's see, what else . . . she asked me if I had a living will, and I said I did, and she asked me something else that I didn't have, but don't remember now. Maybe a do-not-resucitate order? Anyway, whatever it was, I said give me one and I'll look at it, so I'm supposed to get that the morning of surgery. She asked if I had anyone at home that I was worried about, and did I need a social worker, and I told her no, and then she asked (in kind of a hushed voice, which I thought was sweet), if I was in an abusive relationship, and did I want to talk to anyone about it.

I thought that was probably the most interesting thing--that they took this opportunity when they had a woman on the phone (do they ask men? I kind of doubt it) to ask if she needed confidential help. I liked that, sort of.

Then she got to the end of the questionnaire, and she said, "This says you're due to be discharged on the same day of the surgery. That can't be right!" I laughed, and she said, "well, don't worry about it, we won't throw you out if you need to be there," and she said she would make a note to herself to check and see if that was correct. I wouldn't be surprised; I'm sure it's the insurance company. Although if a hysterectomy is now out-patient surgery, I think that means that the insurance companies have way too much power . . .

I went to the hospital this morning for my pre-surgical testing. I answered questions about insurance and filled out paperwork with a clerk. I had an EKG which took about thirty seconds--by the time she stuck on all the monitors, she barely turned around before she was taking them off again. I peed in a cup for a urinalysis, and I gave blood for blood work. I think I got a brand new medical technician--he looked about 14, and certainly too young to shave. He found a vein with no problem, but he said it was taking much longer than normal to get enough blood.

I asked if that meant I didn't have enough, or if it wasn't circulating fast enough, but he said no, it was probably the position of the needle. He eventually called one of the women over and asked if he had enough yet for the tests, and they told him he did, so he finally stopped. I didn't look. He kept asking me if I was okay, so maybe I was a little paler than usual, but I did fine.

We have to be at the hospital at 5:45 a.m. on Monday for surgery at 7:30; I'm assuming that I'll be there overnight--I joked that I guess they'll just wheel me out of the operating room and leave me in the hall until I regain consciousness, then toss me out into the parking lot. I do have faith, though, that they will do whatever they need to do for my health, if only so that we don't sue them.