Wednesday, December 1, 1999: Spinning my wheels Bob keeps asking me if I'm okay tonight, and, at least for once, I have no idea why he wonders that. I'm not in a bad mood, I don't feel unwell, I don't think I'm acting in any particularly weird way. But when I asked him why he keeps asking me that, he said he didn't know, he just wanted to be sure I was okay. He asked me again just a few minutes ago, and I said, "Why are you asking me that? Am I acting weird or something? I feel perfectly fine." He said that I seem to be antsy or something, jittery, preoccupied. I said that I supposed I did have a lot of stuff on my mind, lots of stuff to do, lots of stuff to think about, but that I was okay. He asked if there was anything he could do to help, and I told him no, unless he knew anything about creating Adobat Acrobat documents. He just laughed. He said, "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
I was pretty productive today, I think. I worked on a freelance project for a couple of hours this morning, and was successful in setting up a postcard service for a client. I went out in the afternoon and picked up a prescription for Bob, went by Hobby Lobby and bought some fake greenery garlands, and went to Furniture Max and bought a bookcase. I also went to Organized Living and Bed, Bath & Beyond looking for a CD rack or tower, but didn't find anything that I really liked for a price I was willing to pay. Tomorrow I'm going to take all the photographs and things off the fireplace mantle and put the garland up there, along with some lights. And I'm going to build the bookcase and get some of these stacks of books up off the floor and off every surface in this room. I'm excited about that. It's a short bookcase--just two shelves. I didn't want to get something too overwhelming, since this is actually the dining room, after all. I just use it as my office. It's a nice heavy one, though, in a nice soft maple finish. One of these days I need to get a bookcase for the office, too. And the CD tower.
The Astrology Zone has their horoscopes up for December, and mine, Sagitarrius, says: No matter how hard you've pushed down on your accelerator for the past three months, you haven't been traveling at the desired speed. In fact, you feel that there might be some sort of drag on the wheels. You've checked under the hood, tested the breaks, examined the oil and gas levels, and even tried kicking the tires. Maybe you even knelt down to check the road. You feel yourself moving forward in the car, but you know this vehicle is capable of so much more than it is giving you. For one thing, it used to take those hills a lot easier and you used to be able to pass other cars on the road with even having to try. It says a lot of other things, too, but I liked that paragraph. It seemed so descriptive of what I've been feeling the past few months. "Spinning my wheels" is how I usually describe it. That feeling of not really knowing where you're going, or where you're supposed to be going, or how you'll know when you get there. Just sort of idling. Another car analogy, but apropos. That's okay, though, I think. I'm trying to enjoy the season, enjoy having some time to myself, some time to do things around the house (like build a bookcase), time to cook for Bob (I made a roast chicken and mashed potatoes tonight), time to relax. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of point in trying to get interviews scheduled before Christmas, but maybe that's just an excuse. In any event, I think I'll wait until the first of the year to really try finding a job, although I suppose if I want to talk to anyone in January, I should probably be sending out resumés now . . . There aren't any hard-and-fast rules, I know. I just need to do what feels right to me. And I think another few weeks of relative idleness is probably what I need. So be it. Friday night I'm going to Tom's Christmas concert with Misty and Matt (which Matt? I don't know for sure. Matt H., the new Matt, I think. And if so, perhaps Karen, too? Misty said in an email that she would "check with Matt about when [they] could meet on Friday night" and I decided to allow myself to be surprised.).
Lee's Useless Superhero Generator I am:
The artistic Anggm'ziqn Viktory (Anggm'ziqn-Viktory, Anggm'ziqnviktory, Viktory Anggm'ziqn,
Viktory-Anggm'ziqn, Viktoryanggm'ziqn)
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