Willa's Journal - Summer Vacation

I quit my job on the first of June. I had been unhappy in my work for months, for several reasons, some of which had to do with that particular job and the people and the company I was working for, but a large part of my unhappiness was myself. I was disappointed in myself for not having the courage to leave and find something better, and I was afraid that I would simply stay in an unsatisfactory job forever. I had spent practically every minute of my spare time teaching myself new skills, but I had yet to find a way to put those skills to use in some way that would actually pay me money, and I was becoming discouraged about that, too.

But I had friends and family who believed in me, and they eventually convinced me to believe in myself enough that I was able to quit my job and trust to faith that something would turn up, that a new job or opportunity would appear. And it did. The first morning of my unemployment, I got a job offer, just exactly the job that I wanted. This perfect job, though, didn't start for six weeks, which, in my view, made it even more perfect.

I've never had a real summer vacation, at least not since I was a kid in school. I've had brief vacations, of course, but never more than a week at a time. I have had two periods of unemployment between jobs, but during those times I was frantically looking for work, going on interviews, making telephone calls, worrying . . . I've never had this long a span of time where I didn't have to worry about what was going to happen at the end.

My sister called today and I was talking about how my sleep patterns are completely strange now--I stay up until the early morning hours, then sleep late in the morning. Last night I was up at 4:00 a.m. writing. And my sister said, "Well, it's summer! It's your summer vacation. You're allowed to stay up late. Enjoy it!."

And I started thinking about that. I'm going to really remember this time, I think. It's been wonderful. No deadlines, no pressures, nothing that I have to do or complete or worry about. I can sleep late, and stay up late. I can, and do, eat lunch at 11:00, or 3:00. I can go out to breakfast, I can go to the grocery store in the middle of the afternoon, I can take my lunch to the park and read a book for hours, if I want. I can spend all the time I want reading, or working on the computer, or learning new things, and I don't have to rush.

One thing that I haven't done is turn on the television. Not once during the day, and only a couple of times in the evenings, honestly, maybe twice in the five weeks I've been off so far. My entertainment has been the computer and my books. Maybe that's no better, but it's at least a little more interactive. I've made rubberstamp postcards, I've painted doll furniture, I've played with the digital camera. And I've shopped, and took as long as I wanted.

Anyway, this reflection isn't saying much of anything except that I'm thankful for this space of time and that I'm not going to forget it. I know that most people don't get this opportunity. I know I needed it desperately, though. I feel so much more relaxed, so much happier and at peace, and I hope that this feeling carries over into my new job. Whatever happens, I have this time to remember, this interlude of relaxation, my summer vacation.