Willa's Journal - Keeping secrets

Sleeping Goddess

Keeping Secrets

Fall backward into the arms of trust.

"I'm telling you this in confidence." Words that, in the best case, should need never be said. But if they are said, they should be heeded with the utmost attention.

Maybe it seems incongruous that someone who keeps an online journal, incorporating a webcam no less, would be talking about privacy. I'm very aware of it, though. I'm very careful not to reveal things that other people tell me in confidence, whether they tell me that it's a secret or not. Most of the time it's pretty obvious. And even if it doesn't seem like something that would hurt someone if revealed, it's just not the right thing to do.

When someone confides in you, and tells you their hopes and dreams and ideas, they're placing an enormous trust in you. Trust that you will understand and listen, trust that you won't denigrate them or laugh at them, and trust that it will go no further. It's an honor to be entrusted with someone's secrets, an honor that should never be betrayed. There are secrets, of course, that can't be kept. If you have knowledge that someone is being abused or hurt in a way that can't be allowed to continue, you have to use your best judgment in telling whoever can put a stop to it. Or if someone is in trouble and someone needs to be told, you have to be mature enough to recognize those kinds of situations and act on them. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

I'm talking about the kinds of things that might simply be interesting to pass on, or that you think might elevate you in the eyes of someone else were you to tell them. When you're tempted to do that, contrast the feelings--the feeling that you may generate momentary envy or interest by revealing someone else's secret against the feeling that you have a friend who knows they can trust you, who knows that you will keep their private thoughts private. There is no greater feeling, as far as I'm concerned, than that of knowing that you can be trusted. To be the type of person who can be told something in confidence and trusted that it will go no further..

You have to be careful who you tell your secrets to. One of my Tea Leaves readings says something like, "You have to have someone to tell your dreams to." By that I mean the things you hope for and wish for, not your nighttime dreams, although it's nice to have someone to tell those dreams to as well. It's nice to have secrets, but it's even nicer to have someone that you can share them with, someone that you can talk with and discuss things with, and know that they won't betray your confidence.

It's a terrible feeling when someone finds out that their secrets have been divulged to someone other than the person they told them to. It happens. It's fun to gossip, to "know" things, but that fun is fleeting, and in no way compares to the fun of having someone to whom you can reveal your deepest thoughts and know that they will stay confidential. And the fun of having someone who trusts you implicitly because you've never done anything to betray that trust.

It may seem like a small thing, but it's not. It's enormous. Keeping someone else's confidence is one of the most important things you will ever do, and one that can give you the most reward. It may seem unimportant or meaningless to tell someone else's secrets, but it's not worth the pain that it can cause. There's a lot to be said for openness and honesty, but sometimes it's better to keep silent and to keep a secret.

Fall backward into the arms of trust, and know that you will be caught, and know that you can provide those arms for someone else as well.