A Hand Freely Given

We part at the crossroads,
You leave with your joys and problems,
I with mine. Alone, I look down the road.
Each one must walk one's own path.
~ Deng Ming-Dao, "365 Tao"

In every human relationship there is give and take, a sharing of what each can give the other, ideally with no thought of reward--giving without obligation or expectation. All too often we expect things from other people. We expect that if we help someone, they will return the favor at some future time. We have an understanding that they will be obligated to do so when the opportunity arises. When we have these feelings, we are no longer giving of ourselves freely, but selling ourselves to the highest bidder, the one who we believe can help us the most.

As we move along our own path through life, we come across many opportunities to help other people. We should feel free to offer our help with no expectation of repayment--the feeling of being able to help someone else is reward enough. Each time we help someone along their path, we are advancing along our own.

Similarly, if someone can help me, I should accept that help graciously, without thinking ahead to what I can do to repay the kindness. If the opportunity to do so arises, so much the better, but it should never be a condition of accepting someone's help that is freely offered.

It is a fact of life that many people only offer their help to another if they believe that person can advance them in some way. These people have an ulterior motive at all times, and are always thinking and plotting ways to move ahead at the expense of others. We should certainly keep in mind our own goals and aspirations, but we should never put those goals ahead of honest human interaction and support. If someone needs my help and that help is something that I can provide, I should do so without asking myself what I can gain from it. What I gain is the satisfaction of having helped someone else, of having moved forward along my own path not at the expense of someone else, but by virtue of having lifted them up.